Wednesday, September 30, 2009
early in the morning went to zi qian house .
oh my god man .
i took the wrong route and went to the circle line .
what the hell :X
at last i alight at bartley mrt station and took a cab .
moving towards my destination ; bedok reservior :)
so i alighted under ziqian block .
she was already there waiting for me while talking to boyfriend on phone .
went up to her house to slack and disturb her boyfriend :X
so ziqian went to prepare for our way out to buona vista to meet cherry and aubrey .
happens to relate quite alot with ziqian while i'm at her house .
felt more relax after that .
so we went to take a bus to eunos mrt and took train to marsiling .
i took less than 45 mins to prepare myself and went out again .
so we take mrt to clementi and actually change to 147 to queensway shopping centre .
IDIOT !
can't find which bus stop exist that bus .
find until both me and her got so damn frustrated .
so i suggested to take a cab down to our destination ; i pay !
so as we reach QSC , aubrey cousin was there , so recommend *weisen .
we slack in QSC , and they kept disturbing me over my age .
*WEI MAN SHI BA SUI !!!
what the hell man , cannot take it !
they indeed disturb me until i'm going crazy :X
so after slacking at QSC mac and ate some french fries .
we took a bus directly to bugis .
we walk around and i bought a flipflop for cherry .
really hope that she will like it :D
and i bought two clutch wallet and one dress !
time running and it's already late .
everybody plan to go home , so went to sweettalk and treat everyone for a drink :)
proceeding on to yoshinoya to eat my *breakfast`lunch`dinner !
combination in one shot man :X
at last , aubrey left with weisen back home .
so ziqian also left us and together with me was cherry ,
we went back to zhenghua by cab and alighted at cherry house .
and at the same time i move alighted at baby house .
went up with pizza for him :)
after watching him finished the food , i stayed awhile and so went home .
another just went by like this ;
without knowing that i went down just to see him for an hour !
kinda shag , but there's nothing i can do .
baby is always busy !
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
1:53 AM
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
today went to yishun with 3boxers on my hand :X
luckily got plastic bag !
it's for baby de .
yesterday i asked baby for break up .
and he asked me what's the reason ??
hais , i realised i really don't bear to let go of him .
i think probably i should be more understanding le ba .
went to yishun alone to wait for cherry :)
reach there about 1 pm and walking around alone like crazy girl .
spent quite a long time inside minitoons .
at last bought 2 plastic bag to put two gift for two person .
saw what i wants to buy for pohying birthday too !
bought the laptop protector for cherry and a astray for baby .
baby treat me so cold today :((
at last i went to buy sushi for cherry too .
then i went to bus stop to fetch her and went to ishimura to eat .
she ate * salmon baked rice * and i ate * sausage baked rice *
my treat for today :)
so then aubrey came down to meet us , after eating we went to mac to smoke .
while smoking , baby told a lie .
kinda disppointed why must he lie to me ?!?!
i thought he wouldn't be like other guys but ended up .
HAIS ! loss of words to describe .
at last ziqian came down to join us .
we continue slacking until we went to take 171 to plaza just to pass baby his present .
planning to go back after giving .
but we ended up slacking at panjang plaza mac .
baby recieve already , we message ..
so as cherry left to her grandfather house .
i hold on to the mac i bought for baby to eat and walk to his house with ziqian .
reach his house , we hug !
and i really don't bear to let go .
i realised i really love him alot and i regretted mentioning to break off .
trying to be more understanding that he have to work
he can't get over his ex girlfriend .
i shall all put it behind me and love him with all i can .
i don't want to lose him :(
cherry quarrel with wuxian over my matter .
i really felt so sorry , but thanks for standing on my side :)
ILOVECHERRYCHENZILI <33
BABYtongchuan :)
currently missing you !
i'm so sorry about yesterday .
is now too late to keep back my words ?
i didn't mean it .
i really will learn to understand you more .
all i knew is i really don't want to lose you !
don't leave me alright ?
if loving you shows that i'm stupid , i rather never be clever :(
i love you and i really really do .
i'll get jealous over photos because i love you .
or else i wouldn't have bother about it .
i'm sorry for everything !
now , i want nothing , i just want you :)
you can go ahead and busy -
you can continue remembering your ex -
you can do anything you want -
for whatever you do :
just promise me , never leave me , will you ?
i'll learn to accept that you are working , is your ex , so on so forth !
give me some time alright .
i can change , for the sake of you ..
i'm indeed willing , but do you still love me ?
i'm still waiting for your final decision :(
all i know for now is i'm going to love you with all i can !
nothing is gonna change my love for you <3
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
12:13 AM
Monday, September 28, 2009
the baby i love so much which i really don't know how to let go !
i wanna let you go and be with her .
but i don't bear to !
BABY ; i really need you alot , but why must you neglect me ?
will you just spare some time to be with me .
i don't want to be left alone :(
i ever wanted to turn back to her , but i really can't bear to let go of our relationship .
although our relationship only lasted 1 week , but it meant alot to me :)
love me or love me not ? please don't let go .
you won't understand the agony and sorrow i'm feeling .
i've never hesitate loving you , but have you ?
how long will i need to take to win your whole heart ?
not partly here partly with her ?!?!
all i knew was loving you even i'm being stupid , i don't mind !
spent the whole day at home and running downstairs .
slept at 7plus today morning .
was actualy waiting for baby message or call , but he didn't !
so only manage to sleep for few hours and i woke up at 12 plus .
kinda steam and tired !
called baby ; he's already outside but due to busy -
so whole night until the time i called him , he didn't have time to sms me :X
so is this a excuse that i can accept ?
i indeed don't know whether is the trust there ?
it's too obvious that he don't trust me at all !
so must i continue to put in effort in this relationship .
at times i do wonder should i let go of him and he'll then have a chance ;
to return to shiya to try the relationship out again ?
but i can't bear to let go of him .
i don't what causes my love towards him so deep that it only lasted 1 week ?
but i think i shall accept the fact the loving him means i have to give in .
but at times he is indeed busy that he really has no time for me .
other than sleeping time , i don't even have time for each other .
i have plenty of time for him but not him :((
is this the regretment i feel ?
i don't regret choosing him as my bf .
but the main thing is , i knew that he will change to worse .
and he's already changing , and it's beyond his control and knowing !!
i do miss miaoling alot and having difficulties to let go .
for the sake of him i kept on trying my best to make it through :)
but does he know how much he actually meant to me ?
after knowing him , he indeed brighten up my days .
but at the same time making me stress too .
worrying that he don't know how to take care of himself .
tagging boy what to do and what not to do , he seems unsure too !
then my duty is to nag and warn him over the curfew time :P
today message pohying and talk to her about how i feel .
but i think forget it lo .
i think only cherry will really know what actgually happen .
wanted to relate to pohying more .
but no choice , it seems that she's also busy with wuxian everyday :)
hope that hope of them can really last .
something which i e xpected is that me and baby won't last through our first month !
i know it too well for myself , he don't love me at all :((
it's just a moment of blur and unsure causes him to like me .
when he don't even know what he is doing !
i won't leave him no matter what , but i think as time pass .
i'll have to accept the fact that he will slowly leave my life .
i believe that he can find a better and more understanding girl !
our life and character is totally different .
i have start to understand that loving is not as easy as what i think .
i don't want to bother if he is a flirter or playboy in the past .
what i know is i still love him .
but as for looking forward to future , it totally depend on him already :(
tears can flows down my cheeks , can close my eyes for what i've seen .
keep my ears off all the rumours about him .
actually i r 'm already getting frustrated these days .
he has been very moody due to tired , i know i should understand ,
so i kept calling him to ask about him but ..
ended up he giving me a very bad attitude while speaking to me .
hais , i'm indeed speechless , wanted to get angry but i don't bear to :X
i'm loving the present him , hope he have already change :)
how long will he take to get over shiya , to forget her from his mind ?!?!
who can tell me the answer ?
i guess i'm just a spare tire for him to find to cover his love for shiya that time
what will happen next ?
he is getting scary !
neglecting me , his call and message cut down , his attitude ..
so on so forth !
shall accept the fact that i'm not a very nice girl that deserve any better guy .
accept that my life is destined then !
looking forward to happy moments i'm going to have with him ,
ask myself ; when will this day come ?
is this our love or is this a moment of both our unsureness ?!?!
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
1:34 AM
Saturday, September 26, 2009
today is kinda mood swing ; never eat whole day !
spent the whole yesterday night taking care of baby ..
afraid that i'll fall asleep and he can't wake up -
later tio huat by ah pek !!
headache is still on and stress :(
early in the morning , wake baby up to bath and prepare to go out .
he went out at 6.07am to temple with xian and er step father .
i'm left alone at his house , waiting to go home ..
i left baby house at exactly 10.30am to go home !
i don't know what happen to me that i started sending baby wierd messages ?
we so called quarrelled .. HAIS !
went home to prepare and rush to northpoint to meet miss gracee ..
OPPS ! i'm late :X
miss gracee , me and cherry sat in delifrance to talk about performance things .
it lasted till 2.30pm .
so me and baby went fine again .
but didn't that i expected , he gave me attitude and so ..
quarrel again !
what's going wrong man ??
what the hell , felt so irritated at that point of time :((
went back to zhenghua with sher to her house when i recieve teckping phone call .
so she went to sher place to meet us then we went to panjang plaza .
we sat down at starbucks to smoke and then saw ahsher friends .
so we went with them and then we went to cherry sintua .
but things is still the same , me and baby , DOTS !!
kinda sad but no choice , he don't seems to bother about me ..
just kept on wondering what went wrong , he is still busy , so .....
i went downstairs to walk around and kick a bangladesh :X
he's tesing me and i hate it ..
i stayed downstairs from 8.55pm , strolling around like nobody business .
waited and waited , seeing the clock ticks , and it's already 9.27pm !
BABY still not back yet , kinda worry but have no choice , there's no one there for me ??
HAIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i happens to saw baby alighting from pohying step father car at 9.28pm .
kinda happy but at the same time stress ..
don't know how should i face him , throughout the whole day ; we have been bickering :((
some times i do asked myself whther if all these is going to continue ..
what's going to happen next ? last or break ?!?!
i myself don't know and i don't want to think about it too ...
things are going through my mind each day whther will he be like my ex's ?
started lovingly with me and ended with tears and saddening ?
i indeed knew nothing !
i really had enough of all the past and also wanting to start afresh with him ..
but does he know and does he wants ??
loving him indeed is my passion and i'm willing to do anything !
but not losing him to another girl again !
life is so injustice and unpredictable ...
what should i do , or should i say what can i ask for ??
during my time today at plaza , i told cherry alot .
about how i actually feel which i don't want baby to know !
is loving so difficult ? so hard to give in ?
i really very stress , bothering me everyday !!!
i told cherry that i don't know how , don't know why does i love him so much ?!?!
it's just one week of relationship , i have never ever feel this way before !!
i''m so unsure of what i'm thinking too .
i hated the way they hurt me , hope he won't do the same .
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
1:14 AM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
2:14 AM
Monday, September 21, 2009
after so long i'm finally a free girl once again .
didn't have the time to update my blog due to meeting friends :X
it has been 1 week eversince i discharge .
everything was different ; i thought i would change
but i didn't at all !
on my discharge day i cried for ahdenz again !
no one can imagine how i felt at that moment when they told me early d/c ???
probably me and her doesn't have the fate to be together !
i told myself that i'll wait but ..
i was having a very bad flu that day and i didn't went out
so the day went by ..
the next day i went to yishun to meet ahmaine ..
she passed me the book and i read through !
i felt so guilty that i misunderstood her .. but since it's over then it's over !
we went to city plaza to extend our hair together and i was like ...
when i saw her long hair ; it seems so different !!
so i went back to yishun alone to meet up with jingsheng weihao and jasmine .
we slack nd chat till sembawang .
so conveniently i called jieyong to meet up awhile !
he changed alot !!
i accompanied him until 9 .30 as he lost his love one :((
i truly think that he really love the girl alot but yet ... HAIS !!
so i went down to meet cherry and pohying and i saw tongchuan tiaodang .
we went to have our so called supper and talk about inside matters .
i realised actually theres alot of things that cherry don't know .
but forget it :))
so i went home and rest to charge my energy :)
the day went on to the next morning -
i woke up early in the morining by the pohying phone call .
she wanted me tto go down to meet them but i wasn't free .
i went to visit my grandmother due to her death anniversary .
after that i went home then to uncle house to spent the night there .
happens to saw my friendster message and knew that tongchuan wan my number .
so i called pohying and look for him .
then we spent time talking on phone .
OMG ! he like me :X
wakakakaka !!
oh shit , third day from my discharge day , he's the forth guy already !
what to do with ahdenz ??
STRESS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why must wait until i attached then so many guys surround me ?
just don't understand !!!!
so spent that night confirming with pohying , tongchuan , cherry and yiting :
the next day to bugis due to wuxian birthday :)
4th day after i'm free ;
went to bugis with cherry , pohying , tongchuan and yiting !
early in the morning , just to give tongchuan a surprise ;
i woke up early in the morning to go his sintua find him , he seems shock !
so pohying , wuxian and yexian came .
we hang around his room and slack la .
so he went to tiaodang already and we waited ,
cherry and pohying had a small quarrel due to dragging feelings .
but i managed to cool both of them down and things went again :)
so went to 117 to accompany cherry eat her lunch while ;
tongchuan tiaodang ` pohying and wuxian go home sleep ` yiting still preparing too :X
i'm the first to be done , hahas :))
suddenly tongchuan call me , i thought is his zaizai :X
wakakakas ..
he told me he just finish tiaodang , going to prepare immediately and wait for his brother .
so me and cherry went to his block and he came down with his brother .
i told him that i'm tired of walking so we took cab to pohying house :X
after reaching pohying house , waiting for this pohying to be done with her make up ..
so we went to some where near her house to take a direct bus to bugis .
during the period at the bus stop ;
the cherry and pohying told them my nuisance and embarrassment insede SGH !
i was like dots , embarrass man :P
so we kept joking around until we boarded the bus .
tongchuan indeed very friendly and funny too :))
nice knowing him alot , but more than friends ?!
i really don't know ..
so throughout the whole journey , we chat and joke around .
we alighted and went to long john to meet yiting and also tongchuan wants to eat .
idiotic tongchuan *
he scare me saying that i'm smoking grass , non-stop hit smoking !!
but i didn't man !!!!!!!!!after that we went to bugis street to stroll around ,
we saw teresa and talk to her awhile ....
so after that we went to bugis junction downstairs to walk around ..
we left bugis at 6 plus , and took the same bus back to pohying house .
because tongchuan and also wuxian is having tagging curfew.
so after arriving at pohying house , we slack awhile , i drank a little , and drunk !
what happen to me man ? they went throwing cake and flour .
so i sat aside on the sofa and closed my eyes .
didn't expected that i'm really drunk !
i went in to pohying room to lie down .
i don't know why , i told her to call tongchuan to come in the room .
i hug tongchuan and we ended up kissing .
after that then i start realising that i'm doing soomething wrong !
but it's really too late already , no way for me to turn back .
so i went up to tongchuan house .
i called cherry and pohying to conference call .
i was lost and didn't knew what to do at that point of time .
at last i have to choose one .
my choice was to be with tongchuan !
so i stop myself from thinking of ah denz from that point of time onwards .
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
8:33 PM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
omg ! today is my discharge day :x
which i myself didn't knew it too , loser there it goes !
tuesday denz went up lock up due to 3VRs , i didn't get to see her before she went up !
wednesday she went to see doctor , i went to ocean ; miss again :((
at last today morning , thought i going lock up but end up ,
they say i discharge , what the ??
i cried again , by right i should be laughing because earlier discharge ..
but not at all !
i wasn't happy at all , i don't bear to leave her here !!
why is life so unfair to both of us ?
went to eunos to eat my breakfast and went back home .
OMG !!
sick as though i'm suffering from H1N1 .
what the hell ?!?!?
called sher , twin and er at the same time but none reply .
bobian , they too busy already :X
anyway at last sher replied me already , i thought she would be angry but ...
she didn't and she could actually told me that we are both free girls now .
why bother inside then ??
luckily she's understanding enough to hear my briefly explaination !!
HAIS !
people came asking me out but i was just too sick and lazy at the same time .
it's true about what sher told me , inside and outside is totally different
we shouldn't bring inside things to talk about outside .
boy ; i'm so sorry but i just get angry with her .
people are trusting me and giving me a chance to explain .
i have must also learnt to give ahmaine a chance to explain , i hope you will too ..
will you be so heartless ??
ahmaine tomorrow morning discharge .
wondering what she will expain to me ??
actually i don't know whether i can still trust her , it's kind of complicated !
get in contact with some friends i want to find already .
wonderind what are you doing in lock up ?
meeting sher and er tomorrow at bukit panjang .
plan to meet ahmaine tomorrow too , so i can hear her explaination .
boy , just now 12am , i've send you a message and i miss you like hell man !
faster come out ...
i'm feeling so sick , one day eaten more than 6 panadols already .
still no effect at all :((
if only you are around , there will be people there to sayang me already :)
hopefully you tomorrow can come down early .
kept on thinking whether you will remember me anot ?
hais . so today just pass like this :)
IMISS *ss-uperman !
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
1:12 AM